Monday, September 28, 2009


Belmont Chronicles Sat. September 26, 2009 by Frank wood

from Belmont Jamaica

Bumboclot - rassclot screaming Jamaican women

It was Thursday evening, September 24th. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing time with Nevalee, who had just arrived after a long day of giving therapeutic massages, pedicures, and manicures at the Bluefields spa– plus going grocery shopping in savalamar.

I was inside checking my e-mail and Nevalee was on the veranda talking to two women friends (later, I would wonder who needs friends like this?) When suddenly I heard loud screaming and yelling full of bumboclots– rass clots and every other bad word In the Jamaica filthy language dictionary

I jumped up from the computer, opened the door and looked on the veranda Not sure of what I was going to see.

What I saw, was two very angry adult women, standing, both with hands on hips, distorted faces only a few inches apart – and both screaming at at the top of their lungs looking like they might start hitting each other at any second.

I looked and thought, how was I a mere a man going to break affray before it really turned physical and Someone got hurt.

So, I started yelling at both of them saying shut up! Cut out this nonsense! What’s wrong with you people??!

My appeals were falling on four deaf ears – I finally realized mere words
would never stop this wild female fracas; perhaps, for all I knew they might even be enjoying themselves? Maybe this was just part of the everyday Jamaican culture.

Anyway, I decided I was not going to let this nonsense continue on our veranda and for that matter, Not in our yard – so,
not willing to put my delicate body in between this hot mass of female flesh. I looked around for something to separate them. The only thing at hand was a garden rake, so I picked it up and tried to place the handle between them hoping to pry them apart. This had no effect at all. So my next thought was perhaps I should start beating them with the handle of the rake.

Fortunately for these two crazy women my southern gentlemanly upbringing kept me from getting physical with them – in all my 80 year , I had never even
hit a woman with my hand, much less a stick; so I threw down the rake and tried as gently as I could to separate them (being extra careful not to touch any untouchables – , my wife Nevalee was close by, watching the unfolding drama and wondering what her husband would do next.

Failing to separate the still violently screaming women, I started pushing them both toward the front gate – and believe me, weighing only 130 pounds stripped naked this was no easy task – one of the women was about my size and weight (5'7" tall, or as I usually say I am just a little under 6 feet). The other woman probably weighed 175 or so

I was really a little surprised they were letting me push them along – they both gave me menacing glances that said “what right does this man have to touch and push me” but, fortunately for me they were too interested in continuing their screaming and yelling match to care will know what I was doing – so, I finally managed to to push them out the gate and bolt it shut.

By this time, all the neighbors were watching this free movie – which continued for at least another half an hour when both women went there opposite ways, still screaming bumboclots and rassclots until they were out of sight.

I asked. Nevalee, what the fight was all about? She said she really wasn’t sure, unless it was because one of the women had insulted the other by sitting with her back to her???

Later that evening, one of the women called Nevalee and said she was embarrassed because I pushed her out of our yard and she would never visit us again.

Hoping this was one-of-a-kind incident, never the less I want to be prepared, should something like this happen again – so, I have a loud whistle to call the rounds and a water hose ready to soak them down. (Boy that would be a pretty sight!)

Footnote – apparently my physical contact with the two women was not inappropriate. under the circumstances because Nevalee has not made any comments about it.

Jamaican slang definitions -

Bumboclot - king of curse words
Rass- a common word meaning ass; ending a word with clot makes it a cuss word

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Belmont Chronicles Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Belmont Chronicles Tuesday, September 8, 2009 -- by Frank Wood from Belmont Jamaica

Hello my favorite daughters and all the rest of my wonderful family — hope life is good for youall .I really do miss seeing you , however , life is good here in Belmont, so I just might stay on for a while ----- and besides, you all now have a permanent vacation home in Jamaica any time you want to visit -- for a day or a month.


Today in Belmont : temp in shade ranged from 80 - 90 in shade. Lost power for a couple of hours in late afternoon..... Had some fish, rice and peas for dinner - the diet climate and my darling wife Nevalee must be good for me ---- my weight is 130 (all muscle and a bone) and my blood pressure stays around 107 / 63 with a pulse rate of 64 - 73
Nevalee and some friends were playing bingo on the veranda, but had to stop because a blowing rain storm came up. – it rains here now almost every day, sometimes what I would call a heavy rain (2 or 3 inches in a couple of hours in the rain gauge just outside the living room window) but most of the rain storms are short lived. We, in Belmont are fortunate to be having a good supply of rain because there are serious drought conditions just about every where else in Jamaica - the news casters are continually talking about water conservation and the catastrophe that has occurred to the farmers - that will now pass on to the consumers because of resulting high food prices
Yesterday was the first day of school here in jamaica. Although A new school has just been completed here in Belmont,, not many of the Belmont children can attend it this year because the entrance requirements were set so high – so now the local children have an incentive to study harder and hope to gain acceptance in the Belmont Academy next year.The Belmont Academy has a capacity for 350 students with 25 teachers. Nevalee and I have been writing resumes and letters of recommendation for several Belmont citizens applying for staff and maintenance positions at the academy. For now, the Belmont children must travel to schools in Savalamar (savanna on the ocean) a main city about 30 minutes away by high breakneck speed, horn honking bus or taxi.. The fare by bus is 70 jam dollars and 100 by taxi ( the current exch rate is around 87 jam dollars to 1 us dollar) .
Im not sure what the laws are about school attendance, but the children tell us that unless they have b us and lunch money they cant go to school.
The children here in Belmont are very interested in learning to type and use the computer for research , so Nevalee and I have been teaching them some basics – and it didnt take the girls, ages 10 -13, but one or 2 lessons before they found Michael Jackson music sites on their own.
If you think Michael Jackson was and still is popular in the USA, you should hear these kids - he is their big hero, they know all of his songs and sing along with the computer video .
Jamaica is a country of games. Wherever you go, you always see young and old, playing games. From the time you land at bustling Montego Bay you will find the porters playing checkers on homemade boards between flights - to the farthest off road village where a family is playing dominoes, the national game of Jamaica. Dominos are played at a fast and furious pace and the unmistakable sound of the domino slapping the board can be heard from afar. - One thing of interest I have noted here in Belmont, is that the women join in with the young children to play many of the games. A game seems to be an ‘age equalizer’ between young and old -- and there's a lot of back and forth screaming at each other - “you cheat -“you out” “a no fi yu time”(its not your turn) , especially when they're playing jacks. Some of the more popular games are -- Domino's, bingo, Jack's, checkers and20ludi. Nevalee and I also play a lot of Rummy. Here in Belmont, they have a regular bingo shack, where at times the games, bingo and dominos, continue through the night and into the sunrise. In the bingo shack, each player puts up 50 dollars Jamaican (about 55 cents US) for each book (card ) he wants to play in a particular game. The house gets 3 free books to play for each game.
Of course, In addition to the ‘house’ games, there are the field sport games of football, soccer, cricket and netball all being played wherever there is a field to play on; in fact , during a visit to friends living in Whitehouse, we saw a game of cricket being played on a steep hillside, where most of the game time was spent in running after the ball rolling down the hill. The lack of store bought sports equipment is no deterrent to the resourceful Jamaican children - a piece of board, or a stick for a bat and a balled up paper drink container for a ball is all they need for hours of fun
and play.