Monday, September 28, 2009


Belmont Chronicles Sat. September 26, 2009 by Frank wood

from Belmont Jamaica

Bumboclot - rassclot screaming Jamaican women

It was Thursday evening, September 24th. I was looking forward to a nice relaxing time with Nevalee, who had just arrived after a long day of giving therapeutic massages, pedicures, and manicures at the Bluefields spa– plus going grocery shopping in savalamar.

I was inside checking my e-mail and Nevalee was on the veranda talking to two women friends (later, I would wonder who needs friends like this?) When suddenly I heard loud screaming and yelling full of bumboclots– rass clots and every other bad word In the Jamaica filthy language dictionary

I jumped up from the computer, opened the door and looked on the veranda Not sure of what I was going to see.

What I saw, was two very angry adult women, standing, both with hands on hips, distorted faces only a few inches apart – and both screaming at at the top of their lungs looking like they might start hitting each other at any second.

I looked and thought, how was I a mere a man going to break affray before it really turned physical and Someone got hurt.

So, I started yelling at both of them saying shut up! Cut out this nonsense! What’s wrong with you people??!

My appeals were falling on four deaf ears – I finally realized mere words
would never stop this wild female fracas; perhaps, for all I knew they might even be enjoying themselves? Maybe this was just part of the everyday Jamaican culture.

Anyway, I decided I was not going to let this nonsense continue on our veranda and for that matter, Not in our yard – so,
not willing to put my delicate body in between this hot mass of female flesh. I looked around for something to separate them. The only thing at hand was a garden rake, so I picked it up and tried to place the handle between them hoping to pry them apart. This had no effect at all. So my next thought was perhaps I should start beating them with the handle of the rake.

Fortunately for these two crazy women my southern gentlemanly upbringing kept me from getting physical with them – in all my 80 year , I had never even
hit a woman with my hand, much less a stick; so I threw down the rake and tried as gently as I could to separate them (being extra careful not to touch any untouchables – , my wife Nevalee was close by, watching the unfolding drama and wondering what her husband would do next.

Failing to separate the still violently screaming women, I started pushing them both toward the front gate – and believe me, weighing only 130 pounds stripped naked this was no easy task – one of the women was about my size and weight (5'7" tall, or as I usually say I am just a little under 6 feet). The other woman probably weighed 175 or so

I was really a little surprised they were letting me push them along – they both gave me menacing glances that said “what right does this man have to touch and push me” but, fortunately for me they were too interested in continuing their screaming and yelling match to care will know what I was doing – so, I finally managed to to push them out the gate and bolt it shut.

By this time, all the neighbors were watching this free movie – which continued for at least another half an hour when both women went there opposite ways, still screaming bumboclots and rassclots until they were out of sight.

I asked. Nevalee, what the fight was all about? She said she really wasn’t sure, unless it was because one of the women had insulted the other by sitting with her back to her???

Later that evening, one of the women called Nevalee and said she was embarrassed because I pushed her out of our yard and she would never visit us again.

Hoping this was one-of-a-kind incident, never the less I want to be prepared, should something like this happen again – so, I have a loud whistle to call the rounds and a water hose ready to soak them down. (Boy that would be a pretty sight!)

Footnote – apparently my physical contact with the two women was not inappropriate. under the circumstances because Nevalee has not made any comments about it.

Jamaican slang definitions -

Bumboclot - king of curse words
Rass- a common word meaning ass; ending a word with clot makes it a cuss word

No comments: